An Update on the Subject of Polygamy

It seems i attract the kind of men who are in polyamorous relationships. This worries me - maybe all the Masters i will find in the future will be polygamous. Am i doomed?

The only thing running through my head now is... WHY? Is there something about me that draws these men to me? Perhaps it is my intellectual appeal - they think they can reason their way into my buying into the idea.

Perhaps it is my demeanor - they think that as a slave i will not complain about whether there are other slaves around me.

Perhaps it is because i'm Asian, and would make a lovely addition to a poly.

Perhaps there is just something about me that says, "i want to love you and everyone else i can!"

This is, of course, somewhat true. i am generally compassionate and feel love for even strangers. But being in a poly LTR is different. i can't explain it.

Maybe one of these days, i would gather up the courage to ask one of these men. Maybe they will tell me. If they do, i'll make sure to tell you.

The Worthy

It is easier to believe that the Master in any D/s relationship is in charge, but this is where most people have it wrong. The power of the Master is entirely dependent on the power the submissive gives Him.

i have been receiving invites telling me that they will be in control of me, and that they will put me back in my place if they need to. i am tempted to tell them, "You may think you are in control of me, but at the end of O/our session, you will see that it is me who is really in control."

This is confusing, i know. How can the slave be in control? Well, the Master tests the slave's limits, no? Therefore the limits are set by the slave, not the Master. Given a healthy and consensual environment, the slave would never be forced into something s/he did not already want, although resistance and struggle may be part of the session. It is always the Master who seeks to discover the secret pleasures of the slave, and the slave allows him to do so.

And ultimately, if the Master is not right for the slave, the slave can and will resist. It is inevitable, because why must s/he turn over her/his liberty to Someone unworthy - for mere dissatisfaction?

The ideal, of course, is that the slave knows when to give up that control over to the Master. At the end of the day, being a slave means desiring nothing but the pleasure of the Master, and that means allowing the Master to tread over his limits, to let himself be pushed so far into ecstasy, and to give up the sovereignty he no longer needs.

Poly + Amor + O + Us

i, the jealous pet, was given the offer to be with the perfect Master, but in a polyamorous family.

Poly + ... + Us

This is the one thing that is holding me back: the fact that there will be slaves other than myself. Is there no contentment? Or is more really the merrier?

As for me, i imagine i will be quite the competitive slave should there be others around me. i am certain that i will strive to be the best slave, as i do even when i am the only slave my Master has. i want to be the one taken on the most walks, the one told to do the most chores, the favorite. my desire to be the best will most likely disrupt the balance of their relationship.

Then again, my coming into T/their lives might not be so bad. Perhaps the other slaves will get in on the competition and my Master will be more satisfied than ever. Maybe.

All I know is that when I'm denied the love and attention I so crave, I will be upset. Very upset.

Amor = Love

I suppose in a relationship such as this there is enough love to go around, not only from the Master but also from the fellow slaves. This is something that my Master has been trying to get into my head, but i haven't quite internalized it just yet.

i am trying to look back on my life and see that, yes, maybe at more than one point in my life i had loved two people equally but differently, and at the same time. Explaining this is never easy; people never understand. But it is possible, if only the person is willing. There is the possibility of unlimited love that is enough to satisfy anyone's craving for it.

O is for Orgasm

If there is love waiting, there is definitely some orgasms waiting to happen in that relationship. Group sex, although it seems overrated, is actually wonderful when done with the right people, doing the right things.

my only hesitation is that i am probably to selfish to want to share my Master. i will say that any slave willing to have me is more than welcome. hypocritical, yes. lusty, oh yes.

- - - - -

i have tried to exhaust all thoughts i have on this matter. whether this will help me make my decision to join my Master, i don't know. i certainly hope it does.

"Are you currently owned by another?"

It's a simple yes-or-no question, but my answer was longer than what he probably would have wanted.

"No, but someone is already looking to own me, that is, i am yet to be collared."

My answer stated my situation, which reminded me of how lonely i am to have no Master to serve. How i long to have Someone to do chores for, both sexual and household, for His fulfillment and mine!

Right now i can't help but feel like a piece of bread at the shop: everyone who happens to see me, squeezes me here and there, prods, smells, and wants to get a taste. And instead of developing some kind of pride from all the interest that floods my way, i again feel like the apple on top of the tree - the loneliest apple - which no one has taken the time to climb for.

The Master i wish to belong to is beyond my reach, beyond the "vanilla" dreams that i have tried to establish. But in my mind i already belong to him, because my heart beats for him, and my pearl swells for him.

i know i must make the decision to belong to him. i know when i do he will welcome me with open arms. but i am afraid, and there is no comfort to be had.

- - - - -

The Man whom i love is a terrible Master, not from cruelty but inexperience and an excess of tenderness.

Today, while seated on His car as he fondled my breasts on O/our drive home, i raised myself from my seat, grabbed His head and very slowly whispered, "i want to be your slave."

His Passion rose and He sighed as if i were running my hands all over His body and getting pleasure from it. "i do. i want to belong to you. i want to be yours. i want you to use me."

He grabbed my hand and pressed it against His Crotch. i felt triumphant at what i had caused and wondered whether the next time i see Him, he would have decided to make me His slave, as i want Him to. For although i love Him very much, the promise of slavery that awaits me with someone else is more enticing than the prospect of vanilla sex.

Love or Desire

There is probably nothing worse than having to choose between love and desire, the ultimate couple, the love-birds that die without the other. But sometimes there comes along one person whom you love very deeply although that's where it ends. There are also people with whom you might offer your body and nothing more. But what happens if these two people come along at the same time?

It is safer, of course, to just choose love. In it there is security, a hope that even after all hair has fallen out of your head, you will still be loved. I don't think there is any one person who doesn't want or need to be loved.

But desire, oh, desire. How can a person give it up? Especially when somewhere inside you, you feel that there is love waiting for you if you want it. There may be no guarantee, but the possibility is there. And to be wanted, to be turned this way and that, to be whispered of pleasures to come, and to shiver at the touch of just one finger, it just doesn't equal the security that love has to offer.

As in all things, there is no knowing what the outcome ultimately is until the choice has been made. Should I defer the choice? Perhaps, but I don't like to lead people on.

I would love nothing else than to offer my entire self to the happiness of one man, but if that man could also be the man who loves me very deeply, loves me beyond the servitude I have to give, then I would be the happiest slave alive.

Are you lonely too?

Some time ago I had a Mistress who trained me well, made me her very own for more than three years. When the relationship ended, I am left without someone to guide me and life has not been the same.

That is not to say that I'm not seeing anyone because I am. He's lived a vanilla life and I (the sub) am trying to initiate him into the wonderful world of BDSM. I haven't had much luck and suffice it to say that a submissive should never have to train the Master. The way I talk about might lead you to believe that I don't love him, but I do love him, in fact. If only he could be a better, firmer Master.

Right now, a Master has found me online. He seems loving enough, but that's not what attracts me to him. Our philosophies on BDSM are more or less the same, and I cannot begin to tell you how difficult that is to find. Anyway, I intend to stay under his wing as long as he'll have me.

This blog is to keep track of my adventures, so that if something goes wrong, I can retrace my steps and do it over. Conversely, if something goes very well, I can retrace my steps and do it again. Also, the nature of the topic makes it difficult to find someone to talk to about it; this should be an effective outlet.